I recommend an article to you and you will understand after reading it.
I have always been an insecure person, at least according to my mother.
From elementary school, when everyone chased and fought, I also chased and laughed, but soon I slipped into the river alone to bask in the sun. When I was in middle school, everyone started falling in love very early, and I started falling in love too, but I soon discovered that it was more fun to put together a radio. When I was in high school, I either became a gangster or was obsessed with "answering difficult questions in various high school subjects and key advances in extracurricular training", was busy selling socks and cheap greeting cards in various dorms, and occasionally. I threw away a few boxes of instant noodles. When I was in college, I wasn't doing my job, I was traveling, shopping andI was selling. Everyone really wanted to fall in love, and I was in love too, but not very seriously.
My father believes that I never do anything when it's time to do something. This made him very worried.
This kind of worry runs through all the communication between our father and our son. For example, when it was time to fall in love, I stopped dating, and when it was time to get married, we still did. I won't get married. Although these issues were resolved later, he had long discussions with me at that time.
But no matter how we talk about it, in my opinion, the so-called things I should do are actually what he thinks I should do, not what I want to do. Fortunately, although my father had a heart-to-heart talk with me, he didn't force me much and just let me do it, so I have no future now and I don't have the courageage to blame him. a young man doesn't work hard, the boss won't have to worry. I have no brothers and sisters, I am the eldest.
When I was about 22 or 23 years old, I started to be qualitative, that is, working hard, going to and from work, earning money and saving money. money, and traveling by motorbike. bought a motorcycle for 3,000 yuan. The car was sold to Qiu Yao for 3,500 yuan, and he exchanged it for a 2020 Beijing Jeep with a green shell for 4,000 yuan. Dedeser drove it for a year and a half without a driver's license, and. then I sold it for 4,500 yuan.
Later, I understood that life is like coming and going, just like when I set up a stall under the Nanjing West Road overpass to sell gloves and hats in wool, I had the misfortune of meeting a city dweller in civilian clothes. manager, and I lost all my money. It's okay to borrow money to buy goods and then sell themD. The important thing is to practice good kung fu. When the situation is not good, pick up the four-corner rope spread on the ground. on the ground, turn around and run away.
I had no money at that time, so for a while I earned a monthly salary of 450 yuan at a hot pot restaurant in Baihuazhou. My biggest ambition at the time was to save 200 yuan so I could have. a nice meal at a private restaurant across the street. It's great to be able to take a cute girl with me to eat Dole Burger. When my boss fired me for spilling a plate of quail eggs, I suddenly felt like life was hopeless.
Later, I received a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan. I smiled proudly and ran to the door of a private restaurant, but suddenly lost my appetite. Without a beautiful girl around, Dole Burger would have closed its doors a long time ago. Even the restThe hot pot where I worked has become a glamorous fashion store.
I lost the motivation to eat hard and suddenly felt that the front was better. Years of struggle are meaningless.
After that, I continued to struggle, to work madly, to play with nothing, to start a business with enthusiasm, to go bankrupt and to close shop, and then I repeated this again and again. Again.
When I was thirty, I suddenly discovered that what I called determinism meant that there was no permanent nature. Then I decided to work hard and live seriously. It made my life feel like it had meaning. Everyone praised me as a reliable, good, motivated, intelligent, hardworking, obedient and well-mannered young man. We are now middle-aged and will soon be old.
It’s just that they still can’t understand my life.
I fought on the ground, so Ispent three to four thousand to buy a complete set of equipment, from PP dogs to camouflage uniforms, and even a German helmet, but the soles of my field boots were never delivered. muddy.
When I fish, a rod costs more than a thousand yuan, and I can't say how much I spend on a complete set of equipment. My mother estimates the price of the fish I catch, which is 1,000 yuan. about seventy yuan according to the market price. I didn't dare tell him that fishing on the farm also costs money. These fish actually cost over a hundred. One day, I saw a fish die, and suddenly I didn't want to fish anymore, so I gave all my equipment to Ning Kuan. Ning Kuan is always grateful to me.
I was involved in photography and changed several cameras from D90 to D300. My father once again worriedly told me that SLRs were mediocre for three generations. So I no longer investi, I bought a lot of books and added more than 100 activity groups on Douban. But I never read or studied it seriously. The DSLR is used as a compact camera. Zhang Longhui said that the important thing is not the lens, but the head behind the camera. I think this head may not be very easy to use, so forget it.
I started collecting stamps when I was six years old. I had no money, so I often rummaged through trash and went to the doorman to secretly tear up other people's envelopes. Later, I found that this did not solve the problem, and the stamps in large-scale circulation were not good, so I encouraged the children in the yard to play stamp collecting with me, so so I can sell them Guangzhou stamps. The stamps of Grenada, St. Vincent and Dominica were also beautiful and exquisite, the key est that they are very cheap. The key is that they don't know that it's very cheap. Stamps bought for one yuan sell them boldly. eight yuan and ten yuan. So I saved a small fortune and learned how important information asymmetry is. My information comes from a “philatelic” magazine that arrives each month at the county post office. There is only one. I had to steal my father's cigarettes to honor the fat man who sold books. very artistic name. When I purchased the magazine, I was able to order it by mail based on the catalog ad, while others didn't find out until many years later that this was how the stamps were returned. At that time, my business partner in Guangzhou was named Lu Junxiong. He drove a 28-wheeler and sold stamps everywhere. He later became the richest man in Guangzhou and one of the ten richest people in China. to debt. This name can still be found on Baidu. There were several people on the rich list that year - Shi Yuzhu, Mou Zhongzhong, Lu Junxiong, Liu Yonghao...
When I was twenty-four years old, I suddenly felt that I wanted to do something. meaningful.So I gave the entire collection to my eight-year-old cousin, thinking I could cultivate his refined taste and pass on my heritage. Later I learned that he exchanged all my belongings for game currency. He is now studying at China Ocean University, and his hobbies are collecting various shells, seaweed, and girls in bikinis. I spent a lot of money buying a lot of stamps last year, but I sorted through them for three days with no idea, put them all in a library and never touched them again. I miss the stamps I picked up from the trash, even though I now have thirty or fifty identical ones.
However, as a collectionWhile reading stamps, I understood that information is very important, so I started reading - reading books that had nothing to do with reading, those that were not well researched, like the humanistic stories from Zhiyin Story Club I've been reading social science books since I was in fifth grade, so when Sister Feng said she liked reading, she was such a close friend.
I am currently reading "Das Kapital" and taking notes while reading. I intend to create a discipline that I call “idealistic economics.” I don't know why it was created. What I read before was "The Thirteen Hairpins of Jinling", the original work. Before that, there was "Shi Hanbing on the Chinese Economy", a pirated version. Before that, there was "A Brief History of Everything" and "The Greatest Mayhem in History", interspersed with 15 magazines per month. When I read, I seem to have no direction, no goal,no choice. I read the book I choose. I don't know what reading is for. I take notes while reading and occasionally check them on Baidu. But after reading, writing, checking, and then forgetting, I forget and don't want to think about it.
Before writing these incomprehensible words, I also practiced the piano and the violin for two hours. I bought two pianos, one is a conventional piano and the other is an electric piano. The electric piano has a more dazzling shape, a bright red S shape, like Chen Meila. Unfortunately, I don't have Chen Mei's sexy figure. and get dressed. Playing the piano in your pajamas is more like a depressed artist performing on the street, but my mother considers my piano skills "akin to sawing firewood." I am very calm about this, because I started learning the piano when I was twenty-five. I learned it for a month and took four courses. Then I feltt was cold and I didn’t practice anymore either. Until my teacher Huang didn't remember me anymore. One day I remembered that I seemed to be paying tuition for a term. I wonder if I can continue practicing? But I think even the color TV only has a 1 year warranty, so I guess it won't be renewed. So I took the moldy piano out of the closet and started practicing and teaching myself again. I was pleased to find that my ability to saw firewood was about the same as it was ten years ago. Anyway, our whole family couldn't tell that I was playing the Happy Birthday song.
Now I practice with the electric piano every day, because I only have time after nine o'clock and the sound of the piano is too loud Even if it is beautiful, it will affect inevitably the 80s. Grandfather of 10 years next door. The electroacoustic piano does not have a resonance box,therefore it should not affect the public below the third floor. But I felt that my game was so good that no one could share it with me. I felt a little lonely without anyone to listen to it, so I recorded a piece of "Schindler's List" on my cell phone and sent it to Shi Tingting. . She texted back and asked: can you make this part of City in the Sky more reliable?
Sometimes I count the numbers on my hands and discover that I have done many things in my half-life, including astronomy and geography, that the sky is high and the sea is vast, and that I was exposed to all kinds of literary and military things. skills, but there seems to be nothing that can make me happy. I am able to settle down and live a successful life, even though I am the breadwinner. As so-and-so asked, do you play the piano? What is it for? Do you take somephotos? What is it for? Read these useless books? What is it for?
This really doesn't make any sense. Judging from the current situation, based on the analysis of cumulative trends over the past thirty-five years, I believe that I have become a musician, an economist, a politician, a photographer and a military strategist. The possibility should not be more than 0.1%. The only thing that may be of some importance is that I bought too many philatelic magazines, all in the name of studying advertising. Later, a very important period of my career began. in the industry, I don't know if it's necessarily linked to the advertisements in these philatelic magazines. But I miss Lu Junxiong, the poor 28-year-old boy who rode a bicycle and entered the rich list. He was my friend, and now he still owes me 115 yuan for stamps that weren't sent.
It seems that whether it is Lu Junxiong or me, whether it is arich man in the past or a little bastard now, it has no practical significance. The only thing that is true is that I am still alive, strong, not very healthy and have no energy left.
Since I was a child, my father tried to persuade me to create a meaningful life, but he was really unable to clearly explain the meaning of meaning, so he gave up this effort. Yesterday he was chatting with me and said, think about it now, why can't people do things according to their own hearts in life? Do what you want to do, what you love to do, and what makes you happy.
I said: yes, I didn't? Luckily, you kept letting me do that too.
From the point of view of success studies, my life is really terrible - lazy, not very enterprising, spending a lot of time on trivial things that do not create value. While I was reading Das Kapital, I asked myself: why am I like added value?
In fact, since I was a child, I have been chased by meaning. I was taught that the meaning of my existence is to become the successor of communism. I have been told that the meaning of my existence is to be a person who benefits the people, a person who serves the people, and a person free from vulgar tastes. I have to be a good person, a good man, a good child, a good employee, a good boss, a good husband, a good father, this or that.
It's just that no one ever told me how I should be myself.
In the past, I felt like I could have escaped. Now I feel like I might have come back.
The truest self is a shore that may be infinitely near but can never be reached. It seems as chaotic as the unreliable piano I play. But I like to listen to it myself.
In this world, meaning is alwaysrs as deep, opinions are still as rich and false nobility is everywhere.
When there is too much meaning, you want to escape, escape to a meaningless corner, turn off this meaning thing, and summon the soul of meaningless meaning.
If I can't save myself, what's the point of saving the world?
My father chatted with me for a long time, and after a little silence, he said quietly, since you don't intend to live a meaningful life, then you might as well live a more interesting life.